Those Advice shared by My Father Which Helped Me as a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of being a father.

Yet the reality soon proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her main carer as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You must get support. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While people is now better used to talking about the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a larger inability to talk amongst men, who still internalise damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It is not a show of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a pause - spending a short trip away, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "poor actions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a friend, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the body - eating well, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their issues, altered how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I think my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."